Stabber
12-01-2009, 12:25 PM
> Lesson 1:
>
> A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
> shower, when the doorbell rings.
> The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
> When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
> Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that
> towel.'
> After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked
> in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
> The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
> When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
> 'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
> 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes
> me?'
>
> Moral of the story:
> If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
> your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
> avoidable exposure.
>
>
>
> Lesson 2:
> A priest offered a Nun a lift.
> She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
> The priest nearly had an accident.
> After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
> The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
> The priest removed his hand but, changing gears, he let his hand slide
> up her leg again.
> The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
> The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
> Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
> On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
> It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
>
> Moral of the story:
> If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
> opportunity.
>
>
>
> Lesson 3:
> A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
> lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
> They rub it and a Genie comes out.
> The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
>
> 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the
> Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
> Puff! She's gone.
>
> 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii ,
> relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
> Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
> Puff! He's gone.
>
> 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
>
> The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
>
> Moral of the story:
> Always let your boss have the first say.
>
>
> Lesson 4
> An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
> A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you
> and do nothing?'
> The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
> So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a
> sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
>
> Moral of the story:
> To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high
> up.
>
>
> Lesson 5
> A turkey was chatting with a bull.
> 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the
> turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
> 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.
> They're packed with nutrients.'
> The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
> enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
> The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
> branch.
> Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top
> of the tree.
> He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
>
> Moral of the story:
> Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
>
>
> Lesson 6
> A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
> froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
> While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
> As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
> realize how warm he was.
> The dung was actually thawing him out!
> He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
> A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
> Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
> dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
>
> Morals of the story:
> (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
> (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
> (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
>
>
> THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
>
> A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
> shower, when the doorbell rings.
> The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
> When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
> Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that
> towel.'
> After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked
> in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
> The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
> When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
> 'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
> 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes
> me?'
>
> Moral of the story:
> If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
> your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
> avoidable exposure.
>
>
>
> Lesson 2:
> A priest offered a Nun a lift.
> She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
> The priest nearly had an accident.
> After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
> The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
> The priest removed his hand but, changing gears, he let his hand slide
> up her leg again.
> The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
> The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
> Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
> On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
> It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
>
> Moral of the story:
> If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
> opportunity.
>
>
>
> Lesson 3:
> A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
> lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
> They rub it and a Genie comes out.
> The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
>
> 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the
> Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
> Puff! She's gone.
>
> 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii ,
> relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
> Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
> Puff! He's gone.
>
> 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
>
> The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
>
> Moral of the story:
> Always let your boss have the first say.
>
>
> Lesson 4
> An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
> A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you
> and do nothing?'
> The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
> So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a
> sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
>
> Moral of the story:
> To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high
> up.
>
>
> Lesson 5
> A turkey was chatting with a bull.
> 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the
> turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
> 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.
> They're packed with nutrients.'
> The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
> enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
> The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
> branch.
> Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top
> of the tree.
> He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
>
> Moral of the story:
> Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
>
>
> Lesson 6
> A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
> froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
> While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
> As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
> realize how warm he was.
> The dung was actually thawing him out!
> He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
> A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
> Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
> dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
>
> Morals of the story:
> (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
> (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
> (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
>
>
> THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE