Charleslee
11-23-2014, 04:38 PM
(Sent to me from Carltond)
Subject:A Few Funnies..
DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT
THINGS:
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex,
marriage, and
Family values.
Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife
before we got married, did you?'
Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her
maiden name?'
___________________________________________
A little boy went up to his father and asked:
'Dad, where did my
intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have
got it from your mother,
cause I still have
mine.'
___________________________________________
'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very
carefully,' the divorce
Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your
wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband
said. 'And every now and
then I'll try to send her a few bucks
myself.'
___________________________________________
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed
to the Emergency Room,
took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the
looks of your wife
at all..'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a
great cook and really
good with the
kids.'
___________________________________________
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he
can remove a curse he
has been living with for the last 40
years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to
tell me the exact words
that were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now
pronounce you man and
wife.'
___________________________________________
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck
Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental
records.
___________________________________________
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you
tell me how long
it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City
?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and
hangs up.
___________________________________________
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the
murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With
a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What is a golf
gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in
Juan.'
___________________________________________
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in
religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't
believe in Hell.'
___________________________________________
A man is recovering from surgery when the
Surgical Nurse appears and
asks him how he is feeling.
'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four
letter-words the doctor used in
surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
'Oops!'
___________________________________________
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband
and I passed a display
of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and
twenty pounds
since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I
sought my
husband's
advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a
bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never
get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive
care.
___________________________________________
The graveside service just barely finished, when
there was massive
clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of
lightning,
accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the
distance.
The little old man looked at the pastor and
calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'
Subject:A Few Funnies..
DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT
THINGS:
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex,
marriage, and
Family values.
Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife
before we got married, did you?'
Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her
maiden name?'
___________________________________________
A little boy went up to his father and asked:
'Dad, where did my
intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have
got it from your mother,
cause I still have
mine.'
___________________________________________
'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very
carefully,' the divorce
Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your
wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband
said. 'And every now and
then I'll try to send her a few bucks
myself.'
___________________________________________
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed
to the Emergency Room,
took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the
looks of your wife
at all..'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a
great cook and really
good with the
kids.'
___________________________________________
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he
can remove a curse he
has been living with for the last 40
years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to
tell me the exact words
that were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now
pronounce you man and
wife.'
___________________________________________
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck
Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental
records.
___________________________________________
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you
tell me how long
it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City
?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and
hangs up.
___________________________________________
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the
murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With
a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What is a golf
gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in
Juan.'
___________________________________________
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in
religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't
believe in Hell.'
___________________________________________
A man is recovering from surgery when the
Surgical Nurse appears and
asks him how he is feeling.
'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four
letter-words the doctor used in
surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
'Oops!'
___________________________________________
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband
and I passed a display
of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and
twenty pounds
since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I
sought my
husband's
advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a
bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never
get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive
care.
___________________________________________
The graveside service just barely finished, when
there was massive
clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of
lightning,
accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the
distance.
The little old man looked at the pastor and
calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'
Subject:A Few Funnies..
DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT
THINGS:
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex,
marriage, and
Family values.
Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife
before we got married, did you?'
Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her
maiden name?'
___________________________________________
A little boy went up to his father and asked:
'Dad, where did my
intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have
got it from your mother,
cause I still have
mine.'
___________________________________________
'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very
carefully,' the divorce
Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your
wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband
said. 'And every now and
then I'll try to send her a few bucks
myself.'
___________________________________________
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed
to the Emergency Room,
took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the
looks of your wife
at all..'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a
great cook and really
good with the
kids.'
___________________________________________
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he
can remove a curse he
has been living with for the last 40
years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to
tell me the exact words
that were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now
pronounce you man and
wife.'
___________________________________________
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck
Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental
records.
___________________________________________
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you
tell me how long
it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City
?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and
hangs up.
___________________________________________
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the
murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With
a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What is a golf
gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in
Juan.'
___________________________________________
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in
religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't
believe in Hell.'
___________________________________________
A man is recovering from surgery when the
Surgical Nurse appears and
asks him how he is feeling.
'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four
letter-words the doctor used in
surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
'Oops!'
___________________________________________
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband
and I passed a display
of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and
twenty pounds
since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I
sought my
husband's
advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a
bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never
get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive
care.
___________________________________________
The graveside service just barely finished, when
there was massive
clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of
lightning,
accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the
distance.
The little old man looked at the pastor and
calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'
Subject:A Few Funnies..
DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT
THINGS:
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex,
marriage, and
Family values.
Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife
before we got married, did you?'
Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her
maiden name?'
___________________________________________
A little boy went up to his father and asked:
'Dad, where did my
intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have
got it from your mother,
cause I still have
mine.'
___________________________________________
'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very
carefully,' the divorce
Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your
wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband
said. 'And every now and
then I'll try to send her a few bucks
myself.'
___________________________________________
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed
to the Emergency Room,
took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the
looks of your wife
at all..'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a
great cook and really
good with the
kids.'
___________________________________________
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he
can remove a curse he
has been living with for the last 40
years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to
tell me the exact words
that were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now
pronounce you man and
wife.'
___________________________________________
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck
Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental
records.
___________________________________________
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you
tell me how long
it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City
?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and
hangs up.
___________________________________________
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the
murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With
a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What is a golf
gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in
Juan.'
___________________________________________
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in
religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't
believe in Hell.'
___________________________________________
A man is recovering from surgery when the
Surgical Nurse appears and
asks him how he is feeling.
'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four
letter-words the doctor used in
surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
'Oops!'
___________________________________________
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband
and I passed a display
of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and
twenty pounds
since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I
sought my
husband's
advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a
bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never
get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive
care.
___________________________________________
The graveside service just barely finished, when
there was massive
clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of
lightning,
accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the
distance.
The little old man looked at the pastor and
calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'