Funny

[Charleslee]

Subject: Touching love story - kinda chokes you up











An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?"
She replied, "A can of peaches."

The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches,
And she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can.
She replied, "6."

The judge said, "Then I will give you 6 days in jail."

Before the judge could conclude the trial, the woman's husband spoke......and asked the judge if he could say something.

The judge said, "What is it?"

The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."

[nifeman]

Subject: Touching love story - kinda chokes you up











An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?"
She replied, "A can of peaches."

The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches,
And she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can.
She replied, "6."

The judge said, "Then I will give you 6 days in jail."

Before the judge could conclude the trial, the woman's husband spoke......and asked the judge if he could say something.

The judge said, "What is it?"

The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."

hahaha that sounds right up my alley.thanks for sharing

bob

[carltond]

##### HA! HA! #####

Glad you caught my post before everyone saw it! Thanks!Bali-3

[Twizzler]

@#$%**@#$%**@#$%**


OK this man from out of town goes down to this pub and orders a light beer on draft.

As he is sitting on the stool looking around at the patrons sipping his beer, he hears a mans voice say "nice hat". Looking over there was nobody there and it sounded like it came from a bowl of pretzels. He looks behind the bar counter and nobody there and starts staring at the bowl of pretzels.
As a few minutes pass and about half way through his beer, he hears "nice mustache" come from the bowl of pretzels. Starteled he regains his composure and picks of the bowl and looks under it and finds nothing. He put it back down and picks up a pretzel and stirs around the bowl. Then he sniffs the pretzel and takes a bite and every thing seems normal.
Then out of the bowl the voice says "I enjoy your company". The man confused and angry grabs the bowl and throws it across the room and everyone went silent.
The bartender rushes over to the man. The man yells bewildered what is going on with the bowl of pretzels. The bartender replies I just put the out, they are complimentary.

[nifeman]

good one Aaron~happy st p day

bob

[SGStandard]

An old nag who was in the Bush administration recently said that if another Republican even used the word "rape", that she would cut his tongue out, so a blogger said: A homely old nag goes into a bar, and the bartender says, "So why the long face?" The nag says, "I was just raped!" The bartender asks, "Were you tied up?" The nag replied, "No...........unfortunately!"

[eddiebob]

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted
by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man
who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,
"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer
with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.
"I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens' fees at a golf course instead of food?"
the man asked.

"Are you NUTS??" replied the homeless man.
"I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead,
I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
wife.

The homeless man was astounded.
"Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay.
It's important for her to see what a man looks like
after he has given up beer, fishing, and golf."

[Twizzler]

Good ones, write that down.

Aaron